The Parent Trap

Just so you don't think my life is all about this one/that one that I love and happy memories as the last few posts relate, I will reveal a different side.

I am not the perfect parent. I don't know that there is actually a "perfect" parent out there but I am sure there are some better than others for one reason or another. Its scary though when your child is old enough to know and remember the exact times you are not being the "perfect" parent.

Everyone remembers their parents scarring them in one way or another. For so long as a teenager, young adult or pre-kids, you tell yourself "I would never do XYZ that my parents did to me."

Here is the problem, you may or may not ever do XYZ that your parents did, but you will most definitely find your own ways to scar your child(ren). In my case, Jack may have bad memories of this past weekend to take with him to college and all his years after. Learning to ride a bike without training wheels may be his bad memory.

As a younger child, Jack loved riding his tricycle then bike with training wheels. We live on a circle in our neighborhood so we would go around the block multiple times a day. He was fast. He really enjoyed it.

By the summer he was turning 5 he was completely ready for no training wheels. The only thing holding him back was fear. Auntie Molly and Uncle Bri made a summer trip to the Cape and helped him learn. He did great. He loved it.

Summer faded and fall/winter came. No bike riding. By the time spring came, I encouraged him to get back on his bike. No go. Ever since we have sporadically practiced. In his head, he can not do it.

We have tried EVERYTHING. Put the training wheels back on. Encourage him. Try to get him over his fear. Maybe just giving it a break (for a full year) would work. It didn't. Make him walk around the block while everyone else rides. He sulks- doesn't get back on the bike though.

Now we are at the point where Remy is begging to get her training wheels off. I think- Maybe this will make Jack want to do it? Lets see what happens I tell myself.

On Saturday, we took Remy's training wheels off. She was beyond thrilled. She practiced stopping. Pushed her little legs as fast as they could go. Smiled through the whole thing. She literally didn't want to get off. Jay and I took turns running up and down the sidewalk with her. It was like you see in the movies- seriously.

Jack watched and tossed his baseball the entire time. After an hour or so, I asked Remy to take a break and told Jack that it was his turn. All the while trying to be really encouraging and optimistic about something I know is going to turn into a huge nightmare.

Example:
me- "Jay would you get Jacks bike out of the shed and I will grab his helmet? Jack, you can show Remy how well you can do too!" yeah yippee type voice
Jay- "Sure. This is exciting. I'll be right back!" I think he even jogged back to the shed- maybe even skipped a little (kidding).

First try:
Jack gets on the bike- Jay holds the back. He rides for a second and is completely able to do it himself. Lots of cheering. Jay lets go. Jack rides off the sidewalk and fully up into the yard like a stunt man. He is doing lots of crazy man screaming- like "Wooow". He stops his bike.

Second plus tries:
Starts the same way. He steers his bike off the path like this every time. He says its easier than stopping. He refuses to pedal so the bike is wobbling all over the place. Says its too hard to pedal.
Jay and I exchange lots of looks but still are doing an okay job at staying composed. We start chanting "Pedal, Pedal, Pedal" Lots of yelling like "Good Job" and "You ARE DOING IT!".

Jack is not convinced. The steering off the sidewalk is getting REAL OLD. Jay asks Jack why he keeps steering the bike into the lawn and up the hill- making it harder to control the bike. Jack answers that "the bike just steers that way every time." Jay says he finds it strange that if the bike its going North or South it always goes into the front lawn- essentially a DIFFERENT direction each time.

Okay, Jay is starting to crack I think. Let me help with the bike instead of the cheering. I am convinced this will work. BAD MOVE. This is when it really starts to go downhill. Maybe Jack knew in his head we were getting frustrated and he sensed giving up completely would be the best move. All I know is the bike riding for the day ended with me saying something like "THATS IT. We have been going at this for over two years. You will practice bike riding everyday for a 1/2 hour until you learn. Thats all there is to it."

REALLY??? Even as it was coming out it sounded awful in my head. This is a moment Jack will probably re-tell forever. Ugh.

The thing is I am torn. I hate hate hate when I feel frustrated with my children. I try every day and sometimes every second to remember that they have so much to learn and that they are really just trying to please us. I try to see things from their perspective. But every now and then, after so many attempts, I get frustrated. I just want Jack to learn to ride a bike. I want to see him confident in himself. I want to see him ride around the block with all his friends. I want to stop second guessing my approach(es).

I hope that one of these days Jack will learn to ride a bike with confidence. I hope that I can remember this incident and make the next few practice lessons a little more enjoyable. I know though, whether he re-tells this story or another one, there are times when I will not be the perfect mother. Bad memories are just part of the parent trap. I will have to give them a lot of good and really great memories to make up for the bad :).

Pictured: Remy learning to ride her bike without training wheels. Not even one picture of Jack trying his bike that day...again, not the perfect parent!